Thanks Kripp!

Hi kripp your stream has inspired me to get a real-life job so I can subscribe and have funny emotes like everyone else. I'm going to be a pizza delivery boy in a few weeks. I got my pizza jumper and my funny hat already. Cost me like $60 and two weeks of wages, but after that I'll be all profit. Thanks Kripp.

I want to be Her horse

My girlfriend is away at University and wants a horse for her birthday. I can’t afford a horse so I’ve decided to become one instead. I’ve already nailed horseshoes to protect my feet and found a great wig to wear as a mane. I also bought a great branding iron that I can’t wait for her to use on me. On November 23^rd I am moving to a Ranch in Colorado with a full time trainer who will give me a new name and teach me how to gallop. I know this is a selfish message—but the journey to please my girlfriend, while exciting, has been very difficult for me.

I ask for your support and advice because your love and willingness to see me triumph makes the burden so much easier!  Thank you so much!

Mattress Insurance

Hello fellow mattress owners, have you ever considered purchasing Mattress Insurance? Mattresses are prone to a variety of problems including, but not limited to sagging and bug infestation. These problems may cause discomfort when sleeping on a mattress and in extreme scenarios, cause insomnia. Mattress Insurance protects you by sending you a comfortable mattress replacement whenever your mattress becomes unsuitable to sleep on. If interested in purchasing Mattress Insurance, please PM me with your intent and a few pictures of your mattress for a price quote.

Best Mom Ever EternalEnvy Version

Hello EternalEnvy, I am Richard's mom. I need to tell you that my son is a really big fan of yours. At dinner he always talks about these cool anime figures you show on stream and how awesome you are at DOTA. Like you, he loves jpops and his favorite song in the world is Kimi no Shiranai Monogatari by supercell. He listens to it every night before he sleeps. Anyways, I'm contacting you because yesterday Richard got banned from your channel and has been acting weirdly since. Instead of being the fun kid he normally is, he's been crying in his room all day. I know that he's very sorry and I've heard him cry that he'll never post Breaking Bad spoilers ever again. Richard's account name is Vaporaction. Could you please unban him?

Best Mom Ever Kripparian Version

Hi Kripp.  My son, Richard, has been a really big fan of you ever since he discovered your Twitch channel a few months ago. He keeps talking about how cool you are at dinner and he's even decided to be vegan because of you! It's amazing how influential you've been! He even finishes his homework every day before 7pm just so he can watch your stream on time! Anyways, I'm contacting you is because recently my son has been banned from your channel. Instead of being the driven kid he is, he hasn't eaten or left his room in the last two days since he's been banned. I don't know what he did, but I know he's sorry and I promise you he'll be a good addition to your community from now on. His account name is Vaporaction. Could you please unban him?

Supporting EternalEnvy-Sama

At first many followers of EternalEnvy-Sama may believe that Paypal donations is the best way to support His Holiness necause  Twitch,Tv takes a 50% cut of all subscriptions. This is a fallacy. Paypal users will often only give a one time donation varying between ten to fifty dollars, however, subscribers will donate over long periods of time, ultimately giving His Holiness considerably more. To add to this, many subscribers on Twitch have noted the difficulty between discerning their electric bill and their Twitch subscriptions. This obscurity, coupled with reoccurring charges, means that over the course of a hundred years EternalEnvy-Sama will have grossed over a million dollars from each subscriber.


SHORTER VERSION:

Do not donate to EternalEnvy-Sama through paypal. Instead subscribe to him through Twitch,tv. Despite the fact that Twitch,tv takes a 50% cut of all subscription fares, it is a known fact that subscribers never eliminate their Twitch,tv subscription. Thus over the course of three years, EternalEnvy-Sama will have made a million dollars from your twitch,tv subscription rather than the useless $9.50 he would get from your unwanted paypal donation.

TV Licence Agent

Hello Esteemed Citizen of the Internets, I am currently sending you this message to remind you to purchase your TV licence. Failure to purchase a TV licence is a severe criminal offence and if caught without one, will result in a minimum $5,000 fine. Moreover, if you have not purchased this licence by using me as a middleman, I will harass both you and your family until an appropriate government agent arrests you. To avoid this fate, please send me a PM. I will be more than glad to assist you in obtaining your TV licence.

Moderator Insurance

Hello fellow Twitch Viewers. Have you remembered to purchase your Moderator Insurance? Moderators routinely ban esteemed members of Twitch without notice and within seconds so that the common viewer is unable to interact with your important messages. Buying Moderator Insurance will reimburse your message with a bot so that even if you do get banned, bots will log in on your behalf and spam the channel with your messages.  Note: failure to purchase Moderator Insurance may result in important messages not being heard by the rest of the Twitch Republic.

Tomato Super Model

Hello, I am an 18 year old Tomato and I want to be a supermodel. I know there's a billion other vegetables who want to be supermodels too, but I am going to be the best. Recently, my friend Cucumber bought a video camera and has started filming me without my vines attached. I have also had the honor of working with the legendary Hunt's on a photo shoot with my bff Lin Guini. Please watch and support me so that I can be the best supermodel that was ever born, plz no capagiroh pastarino.